“Are you on your way to work,” the Head of Marketing said to me as I plunged through the tunnel connecting the bay.
“I forgot my key.”
“Well I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”
“Okay cool,” he said.
He texted me a minute later- “Let me know when you are five minutes away.”
I did not text him back. I did however have a bowl of cereal which upset the Graphic Designer who couldn’t find the almond milk.
Evidently it was “Bring Your Bitch To Work Day” as the Head of Marketing brought his girlfriend into work.
“She had to come to work with me. She needed to take a shit,” the Head of Marketing said. “Also we live together! We moved into my parents pool house!”
The girlfriend made a b – line to the bathroom which later went kaput. As Office Manager I should call a plumber but as someone that is lazy I have not.
The Head of Marketing and his girlfriend spent the day working on their new business, a sober night time rave. The Graphic Designer suggested they tap into the Christian market.
At lunch today we discussed cults and what constituted a cult.
“Everything is a cult,” the Head of Marketing said justifying his cult lifestyle.
The Graphic Designer also fed some pigeons some bread. The Office Lesbian was upset about it because the second time he just threw a piece of plastic at them.
“You’re teasing them, you’re being a douchebag,” she said.
“No. If I was feeding them alka seltzer I’d be a douchebag because then they would literally explode.”
The Head of Marketing sided with the Graphic Designer. I remained indifferent.
The Office Lesbian revealed that she had pet insects as a child including a few cockroaches. When she pet them they hummed.
The Head of Marketing took off his shirt and shoes during lunch. He also walked around the office barefoot. He asked me if I was self conscious about my feet.
The CEO is still missing. The Feminist Data Analyst’s resignation has not been accepted yet because he’s been MIA.
The Conch Shell came in so now we can go Lord of the Flies in the office. I was disappointed that the Office Lesbian could play the conch very well but I took the conch away from her so now I have all the power anyways.