The day started off well. The Head of Marketing got a new haircut and wasn’t wearing his shoes. I considered telling him about hook worms but then shrugged it off which made me feel good. Apathy at the workplace is happiness at home.
Evidently every day is bring your family to work day as the Head of Marketing brought his cousin in again today. She was relatively sedate although she did try to steal some grapes from me. I would have none of that and with ninja like reflexes stole them out of her hands. She was wondering what I thought about a website entitled climaxyourlife.com. I hope her desire for the little death ends in her own death.
The CEO has decided to go Euro on us and is considering outsourcing all of our work to peons in developing countries, mainly eastern Europe. He is excited about going abroad again on business trips. We will probably have to glue his hand to his phone that way we can reach him.
Amongst other productive decisions the CEO also decided to lock his keys in his trunk. That was a real bummer as his Mercedes Benz can’t be opened from the inside. He found this out after this awesome Cholo came to the office to unlock his car. The Cholo had long cut off dickies, a t-shirt, a hat, sunglasses, and a goatee. He also carried a bag that said “Door unlock.”
For lunch we went to some food trucks. It was a ton of fun waiting in line for specialty foods. Wazoo!
On the bright side we got to learn a great lesson about capitalism as I spotted a quarter on some cardboard.
“Hey that’s someone’s house,” the Office Lesbian said.
“Well they shouldn’t be so careless with their money,” I replied. “Capitalism is all about petty opportunism.”
“Agreed. If we can learn two things today it’s that Capitalism teaches us 1: Don’t be Homeless and 2: Don’t be poor.”
Hurray for not being Poor!!! Hurray!!
Not being poor doesn’t mean that I’m not a lackey. I found this out when the CEO asked me to print stuff out again. I waited til he wasn’t looking and printed it out on the printer a few feet from his desk- I do need job security after all.
In addition he made me bring some boxes to the post office. I guess being rich means that you don’t have to do mundane things anymore. I wonder if the CEO is so rich he doesn’t have to shit. I know he’s not rich enough that he doesn’t need keys.
Here comes the weekend! One more time- Hurray for not being POOR!!!