I don’t know why I went to work but I did. I assume it’s like like having amnesia. You do something and you don’t know why, you forgot why, but you did it anyway.
The CEO was gone. I assume he didn’t want to face my class resentment. The Engineer and the Office Lesbian didn’t come in today although the Office Lesbian did let me know that there was a skunk outside of her room. She was hates the skunk but the skunk lives under her house. I guess with the raising cost of rent no one appreciates squatters. After a little while the Office Lesbian let me know that she liked the skunk. She named the animal “Flower.”
The Graphic Designer was the only one in today. He didn’t know why he came into work. I can’t remember if he has amnesia or not. He did help me move the office equipment though. I rented a uhaul truck and drove it to the office. At the truck rental place a bunch of Latino dudes hit me up for work. I wish I could have helped them with the ins and outs of resume building for retarded tech companies. I could only wish they could have had the same opportunities to be lazy and get paid too much like the rest of us white people but society just wasn’t built that way. So, so, so sad.
While the Graphic Designer and I moved in our next door neighbor stopped by.
“Oh, are you guys moving out,” she asked.
“Yeah. Our CEO has decided he wants to get an Air Bnb until we can stay in a penthouse apartment. He’s sort of an idiot.”
“Well it’s hard to be the CEO.”
“Yeah but why would you have the guy that you just laid off moving your shit unsupervised? I mean I’m a nice guy but I’m not that nice.”
“Yeah that does seem like some poor management decisions.” I gave her some chocolate and a can of orange soda. She said her work space mainly had green tea. I felt bad for her but giving her some snacks made me feel good.
I decided to be even more neighborly so I packed up a couple bags of vodka, bloody mary mix, beer, orange soda, nuts, fancy ice, and some company swag and walked to the nearby homeless shelter. I gave out the supplies to some nice homebums. They really appreciated it and everyone liked their new t shirts a bunch! They asked me if I had any cash, phones, or jeans as well but unfortunately the CEO didn’t have any laying around to give out. Waaah…
Giving back to the poor really made me feel good. I was really riding an emotional high so I decided to tell the cousin how I felt about her. She asked me once what I would do to her after I told her that the Head of Marketing said it was okay for me to have sex with her. So I sent her a facebook message – after I defriended the Head of Marketing:
“When you asked the other day what I wanted to do to you I had to think for a while. I thought, I pondered, I fantasized and now I have an answer. I would like you to come to the office wearing a sheperd’s shawl. You will wear bright red lipstick, thigh high stockings and a butt plug. You will enter the office before the Head of Marketing and come immediately to my desk where I will be seated. You will move to be in front of me and bend over so that your breasts kiss the cold wood of the desk. I will tower behind you. Your naked ass will perch in the air and I will begin to spank you. You will bite your lip at first. Then you will squirm, and then you moan. The Head of Marketing will watch. You will scream ‘I’m a bad girl, I’m a bad girl, I’m such a bad girl.’ The skin on your ass would be mottled purple and red. The cheeks of your face and of your cherry bottom will blush with excitement. The Head of Marketing will begin to cry. Then I will take a jar of peanut butter out. I will unscrew the cap and feed you a spoonful. You will swallow it, relish it, love it. You haven’t had peanut butter in such a long time. It tastes so good. You’ve been denying yourself the gooey richness of peanut butter because of the Head of Marketing’s deathly allergy. Now though you want it. You don’t care about him. You swallow. You swallow it because good girls swallow and you want to be a good girl. You would lick your nutty lips over and over. I would feed you another spoonful and you would play with the peanut butter letting it drool out your mouth. Then the Head of Marketing would say ‘I’ve been a very bad boy.'”
She replied an hour or two later and said “Thank you.”
It was a good day and the Graphic Designer and I shared a beer to top of the day.