I went in like any normal day and like any normal day I didn’t do anything. I got into work and packed up a few things and took a few company shirts for posterity and to give my roommate for her rat cage. Rats love to piss on start up apparel. It gives the core a stronger value prop.
The Head of Marketing and his cousin came in and believe it or not the Head of Marketing did indeed have a severe sun burn. I was actually quite surprised. Most of the skin on the back of his upper thighs was the same red as his muscle. I’m pretty sure that he burnt off at least three layers of his skin. There was even a patch of skin that had what looked like 3rd degree burn. Ouch.
The Head of Marketing said he’d go to lunch with us but mysteriously disappeared. I assume that he had to build more connections for his sober day rave which went surprisingly well as they had their first event over the weekend. No one from work went. Everyone forgot.
Lunch was nice. We sat in a park and the Part Time Accountant came. I bought him lunch with company money and we all enjoyed some sandwiches and a delightful conversation about the best high school drug.
Some argued for ketamine although k holes were generally looked down on and while others enjoyed nitrous/whip its and the joys of huffing detractors felt like their brain was melting while inhaling the euphoria.
It was revealed that the CEO hadn’t told the Part Time Accountant that I’d been laid off. So I maybe collecting salary for an eternity! Hurrah!
We decided to call it a day around 4pm after a long lunch and enjoyed a few beers before we went out to the strip club for my last hurrah. The Head of Marketing decided not to go because his cousin couldn’t go because she freaks out around alcohol. I wonder if she noticed us drinking. We fondly said farewell and exited the office.
The walk to the strip club didn’t take that long and I was surprised that the whole crew went, well sans the CEO (out of office on “business”), The Head of Marketing and the Cousin. The Graphic Designer wasn’t into the idea of commodified sexuality- he prefers his commodities a bit more frigid.
The Part Time Accountant really started things off when he bought everyone a round of drinks. People started to get excited about the ass and titties, ass, ass, and titties. Although the Graphic Designer pretended to be sullen for a little while. The Part Time Accountant became friends with one worker who had a squeaky voice. The dancer gave the Graphic Designer a lap dance. He looked pretty ungrateful the entire time although did smack the dancer’s butt when prompted.
The Office Lesbian found herself in paradise and ran her hands all over one nice lady who gave her a lap dance. The Office Lesbian acted like a horny 14 year old boy. Fun was had by all.
We all love the club drunk and it quite a celebratory mood. When I woke up the next day I had a message from the CEO.
He said no to my request for a severance package but did say he would go to Burning Man with me next year! Which is a basically a drug filled fist bump.